June 5, 2006

Man overboard.

Filed under: deaths, idiots — Alex @ 1:09 am

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MIAMI (May 31) - A Florida man drowned after jumping onto an inflatable raft and paddling out to the middle of a lake to try to retrieve a stalled, radio-controlled toy boat, police said Tuesday.

Toy boatAnother toy boat punctured the raft, causing it to deflate rapidly, and the 31-year-old victim could not swim, Miami-Dade Police said.

The accident occurred Monday evening at a park northwest of Miami where the victim and several friends were racing the remote-controlled boats.

"I think it was all purely accidental. It's a fluke," said Detective Joanne Duncan.

Alex Says:  Three cheers to the guy who was driving the OTHER boat, 'cuz you know he rammed the raft intentionally.

And what's up with this fool charging out into the water when he couldn't swim?  Must've been really, really attached to that toy boat.

April 16, 2006

Rather than go on the defensive, try the offensive.

Filed under: idiots, government, iraq, republicans — Alex @ 3:56 am

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zm.gifALEXANDRIA, Virginia (Reuters) - September 11 conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui said on Thursday he had no regrets for those who died in the hijacked plane attacks and told jurors in his death penalty trial he wished "there would be more pain." In comments that brought at least one relative of a victim to tears, Moussaoui mocked survivors of the attacks who had told the court of their pain and said he would like to see similar attacks against Americans every day.

Alex Says:  At this point, he clearly either A) wants to die and is hoping to piss off a jury, or B) is just bat shit insane.  Either way, that's exactly why he SHOULDN'T be given the death sentence.  America's frantic desire to kill someone, anyone for 9/11 (other than half the population of Iraq) has gotten out of hand.

Plus, crazy or not, couldn't he prove useful in the future? He could ID people we've never seen, decode messages, whatever. And since he clearly seems to be off his nut, why don't we just get him some help? If we cure his craziness, he could be a priceless asset.

Or, we could kill him. Yes, clearly, that's the only sane option.

Johnny Hates Spaz

Filed under: idiots, celebrities — Alex @ 3:39 am

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(Alex Says:  See, the previous post mentioned Frankie Goes to Hollywood in the title, so… Johnny Hates Jazz… nevermind.)

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Tiger Woods has apologized for comments he made during a television interview after the U.S. Masters at Augusta National Golf Club on Sunday. 

The American world number one, who tied for third place three strokes behind winner Phil Mickelson, was criticized for using the term "spaz" to describe his poor putting in the final round.

spastic2.gif

"Tiger meant nothing derogatory to any person or persons and apologises for any offence caused," Woods's agent Mark Steinberg said in a statement issued on the player's official website.

Bidding for a fifth green jacket at Augusta, Woods produced a display of uncharacteristically shaky putting on his way to a closing two-under-par 70.

He took 33 putts in the final round, including three three-putts and a pair of missed eagle putts from inside 10 feet on the back nine. Mickelson took 29 putts in a closing 69.

When asked about his play on the last day at Augusta, Woods replied: "I putted atrociously today. Once I got on the greens, I was a spaz."

In several countries, "spaz" is an offensive term for people affected with spastic paralysis, a form of cerebral palsy.

Britain-based disability organization Scope, formerly The Spastics Society, said of Woods's comments: "Once again, Tiger Woods demonstrates that we are two nations divided by a common language.

"Although in the U.S. the term "spaz" may not be as offensive as it is here in the UK, many disabled people here will have taken exception to his likening a golf stroke to that of 'a spaz'.

"UK disability charity Scope is confident that Tiger Woods would be devastated to learn that something he said could offend his fans, disabled or non-disabled."

Wood's remark drew little attention in the U.S. where "spaz" is a slang term for someone considered clumsy or inept.

spastic1.gifAlex Says:  First off, "The Spastics Society" would be a kick-ass name for a bar or a band.  Just throwing that out there. The Spazzes really need to quit spazzing out on me.  Toughen up.  You're spazzy.  Get over it.  Tiger didn't say, "I'm putting like a goddamn retard-o spaz from the United Kingdom's Spastics Society."  They even acknowledge that in the U.S. "spaz" isn't meant in an offensive way, but still threw a hissy.  Seems to be a desperate plea for attention from SpazLand.

Plus, consider this:  Take the membership of their little Spazzy Club there, and then reduce that to the number that actually care about golf.  Then, take that number and calculate how many are honestly offended by the comment.  I'm saying that four people on the planet were offended by "spaz," and that those four need to quit bitchin'.  Not my fault you're a spaz.

April 5, 2006

YOU… CHEAP… BASTARDS.

Filed under: idiots — Alex @ 10:14 pm

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(AP) LINCOLN, Neb. - Three of the meat-processing plant workers who won the largest lottery jackpot in U.S. history dropped in on a homeless shelter with a $6,000 donation for people living there.

Alain Maboussou, Quang Dao and Dung Tran became multimillionaires in February when they and five co-workers won the $365 million Powerball jackpot.

Alex Says:  It takes BALLS for them to walk in there and dish out a mere two grand each.  If I were one of the homeless people I would've taken them hostage until I got some REAL money.

I might add that this was all over the news, was on CNN, etc.  Really?  This is that monumental?  I would assume MOST lotto winners hand out some cash to charities.  In other words, screw these people.

Want to see me flip out?

Filed under: idiots, government — Alex @ 10:08 pm

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London, April 5 (AFP): Harraj Mann’s choice of music led the India-born Briton to be hauled off a London-bound plane last week.The Clash

The 23-year-old played London’s Calling by The Clash and Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song on the stereo of a taxi he had taken to Durham Tees Valley airport in northern England.

Mann soon began singing along and the taxi driver grew suspicious when he heard the lyrics carefully — one of them declared Now war is declared and battle come down. He alerted police as soon as they reached the airport.

Two officers boarded Mann’s flight shortly before take-off on Thursday.

“I got frog-marched off the plane in front of everyone, got my bags searched, (was) asked every question you can think of,” Mann, a mobile phone salesman, told the local daily Hartlepool Mail on Monday. “I was being held for questioning under the terrorism act.”

By the time Mann was set free, his plane had left.

“He (the driver) didn’t like Led Zeppelin or The Clash, but I don’t think there was any need to tell the police,” a stung Mann told the Daily Mirror.

Alex Says:  Uh, no.  This aggression will not stand.  That cabbie better watch his back, because if I were Mr. Mann (snicker), I'd be comin' for him.

Can I get in on his lawsuit for wrongful detention?  Can we make it a class action?

I’d give my arms to see a video of this.

Filed under: idiots — Alex @ 2:49 am

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mortarshell.gif(AP/Yahoo! News) - A teacher who kept a 40 mm shell on his desk as a paperweight blew off part of his hand when he apparently used the object to try to squash a bug, authorities say.

The 5-inch-long shell exploded Monday while Robert Colla was teaching 20 to 25 students at an adult education class.

Part of Colla's right hand was severed and he suffered severe burns and minor shrapnel wounds to his forearms and torso, fire Capt. Tom Weinell said. No one else was injured. He was reported in stable condition at a hospital.

The teacher slammed the shell down in an attempt to kill something that was buzzing or crawling across the desk, said Fire Marshal Glen Albright.

Colla found the 40 mm round while hunting years ago and "obviously he didn't think the round was live," said Dennis Huston, who teaches computer design alongside Colla.

Alex Says:  The question that comes to my mind is "Where did he FIND a live 40 mm round?"  'cuz someone should go gather up the rest of the live rounds that were left there.  You know… "for the children."  Leave it to me to be practical.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to beat a hobo with a soda can full of nitroglycerin.

March 22, 2006

From the “Well, Duh” Department

Filed under: idiots — Alex @ 11:19 pm

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Dr. Phil: TV IdiotNew research suggests that elderly women who watch daytime soap operas and talk shows are more likely to suffer from cognitive impairment than women who abstain from such fare.

Researchers stress that it's not clear if watching these TV shows leads to weaker brainpower, or vice-versa.

Alex Says:  It's vice-versa.  Trust me.

March 19, 2006

A woman with convictions.

Filed under: idiots — Alex @ 4:43 am

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(AP) LINCOLN, Neb. — A Chicago woman has been granted a marriage license to marry one of the killers portrayed in the movie "Boys Don't Cry." 

Hilary Swank in "Boys Don't Cry"When she saw the film, Mirth said, she identified with the characters who played Nissen and his co-defendant, John Lotter, who is on death row. She had grown up "in a small, stupid town in Indiana," she said, and escaped by running with a rough crowd.

Alex Says:  When a foreigner marries a U.S. citizen, they become a U.S. citizen.  I propose that when an idiot marries a prisoner, they become a prisoner.

Incidentally, I grew up in a "small, stupid town in Oklahoma," and often find myself raping and murdering transexuals.  It's cow-tipping for the 21st Century.

March 15, 2006

Miss Deaf Texas

Filed under: deaths, idiots — Alex @ 7:36 pm

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- The reigning Miss Deaf Texas who was killed by a train was text messaging her parents and friends on her cell phone as she walked near the tracks and might have been distracted, police said.ktrk_031406_trainaxstory.jpg

Alex Says: "Distracted" my ass. Ever been sitting in your car at a railroad crossing as the train passes? You can feel it, even through your car's shocks. For, you see, it is a fucking train. Detective Alex is calling this one a suicide, plain and simple.

And, I might add, both of her parents are deafies. If Spouse A and Spouse B have some kind of horrible genetic condition that will almost certainly be passed on to their offspring… ADOPT, YOU STUPID INCONSIDERATE BASTARDS.