June 5, 2006

Man overboard.

Filed under: deaths, idiots — Alex @ 1:09 am

MIAMI (May 31) - A Florida man drowned after jumping onto an inflatable raft and paddling out to the middle of a lake to try to retrieve a stalled, radio-controlled toy boat, police said Tuesday.

Toy boatAnother toy boat punctured the raft, causing it to deflate rapidly, and the 31-year-old victim could not swim, Miami-Dade Police said.

The accident occurred Monday evening at a park northwest of Miami where the victim and several friends were racing the remote-controlled boats.

"I think it was all purely accidental. It's a fluke," said Detective Joanne Duncan.

Alex Says:  Three cheers to the guy who was driving the OTHER boat, 'cuz you know he rammed the raft intentionally.

And what's up with this fool charging out into the water when he couldn't swim?  Must've been really, really attached to that toy boat.

May 31, 2006

Here’s an idea…

Filed under: deaths, celebrities, internet — Alex @ 10:24 pm

Screw The Belligerent Fop–visit my celebrity dead pool instead.

March 29, 2006

Let’s not split hares.

Filed under: deaths — Alex @ 4:26 pm

(AP) SPENCER, Wis. - A woman who died at her Spencer home was apparently suffocated by a ceramic decorative plate, shaped like an Easter bunny, that had been shoved down her throat, authorities said as they charged her husband with murder.

Easter bunny

Patrick Zurkowski, 38, was charged Monday in Marathon County Circuit Court with first-degree intentional homicide in the death of his wife, June Zurkowski, 40.

Assistant District Attorney Ken Heimerman said an autopsy found parts of the plate had broken off and lodged in the victim's throat, blocking her airway. The pieces were believed to be the bunny ears missing from a plate found in the home.

Alex Says:  Let's not judge him too harshly.  If she had an Easter Bunny plate, she was probably a pretty obnoxious woman.  Am I right?  Or am I right?

Shameless Cash4Cadavers.com link.

March 22, 2006

The Grass is Always Greener…

Filed under: deaths — Alex @ 10:28 pm

(AP) BATAVIA, Ohio — A man who neighbors say was devoted to his meticulously kept lawn was charged with murder in the shooting of a 15-year-old boy who apparently walked across his yard.

Charles Martin called 911 on Sunday afternoon, saying calmly: "I just killed a kid."

Police, who released the call's contents, said Martin also told the dispatcher: "I've been harassed by him and his parents for five years. Today just blew it up."

Larry Mugrage, whose family lived next door, was shot in the chest with a shotgun. The high school freshman was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Armed gardener Charles SmithMartin, 66, allegedly told police he had several times had problems with neighbors walking on his lawn. He remained jailed without bond Monday. His jailers said no attorney was listed for him.

From a Cincinnati News article:

Union Township police Lt. Scott Gaviglia said Martin told police he was tired of fighting with others who he said were always walking on his lawn. He told police he had several disputes over it with neighbors.

Police said Martin hadn't complained to them about it and the last time he contacted police was 2003, Gaviglia said.

"I wish he would have called us," Gaviglia said. "Maybe this tragedy could have been averted."Crazy old gardener

Mugrage was shot "once, possibly twice" with a deer rifle, Gaviglia said.

Neighbors said Martin lived alone and was quiet, but odd, often sitting outside his house to shoot birds with a BB gun.

From Australia's The Age:

Martin opened fire from his house and then, according to police, walked up to the wounded teen and pulled the trigger again at close range, killing him. Martin has been charged with murder.

Even in a country with a long history of gun violence, the killing of Larry Mugrage in a quiet Cincinnati suburb on Monday stands out as particularly senseless. Martin seems to have been liked in the neat bungalow-lined streets of Union Township, but he appears to have been obsessed with the territorial integrity of his patchy lawn.

Alex Says:  If the crazy old man down the street is sitting in his front lawn shooting birds and screaming to stay off his lawn… let's not push our luck with him, nnnkay?  Particularly when he looks like he does.

And, I might add, I REALLY think all related news articles should be printing photos of the lawn.  And maybe the kid.  'cuz, let's be frank: Some yards are bad-ass, and some kids are shitters.  I'm just saying.

Butlan Declares:  The guy looks like a really dehydrated Willem Dafoe.

March 15, 2006

Miss Deaf Texas

Filed under: deaths, idiots — Alex @ 7:36 pm

- The reigning Miss Deaf Texas who was killed by a train was text messaging her parents and friends on her cell phone as she walked near the tracks and might have been distracted, police said.ktrk_031406_trainaxstory.jpg

Alex Says: "Distracted" my ass. Ever been sitting in your car at a railroad crossing as the train passes? You can feel it, even through your car's shocks. For, you see, it is a fucking train. Detective Alex is calling this one a suicide, plain and simple.

And, I might add, both of her parents are deafies. If Spouse A and Spouse B have some kind of horrible genetic condition that will almost certainly be passed on to their offspring… ADOPT, YOU STUPID INCONSIDERATE BASTARDS.