June 5, 2006

I give her six months.

Filed under: celebrities — Alex @ 12:46 am

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(Reuters)  Addressing the annual convention of CBS affiliates, [Katie] Couric predicted that the "pretentious era" of the evening-news anchor is going to be a thing of the past.

 

"The audience is more sophisticated than we give them credit for — they don't want a mechanical Ted Baxter," said Couric, whose last day as co-anchor of NBC's "Today" was Wednesday. "I'm a serious, caring, compassionate person. I hope that comes out. … People want a multidimensional (news anchor) and not someone they can put in a box."

Alex Says:  Well, praise Allah, we're Katie Couric is a dumbass.saved.  No more "pretentious" news, now that the bubbly chick from The Today Show has arrived to save us.  I hope the zombie that is Walter Cronkite kicks that bitch in the teeth.

And just to emphasize the irony in her stupid-ass comment: The dictionary definition of pretentious is "claiming or demanding a position of distinction or merit, especially when unjustified."

Isn't Katie "claiming a position of distinction" with her self-assigned adjectives of "serious, caring, and compassionate?"  I don't think she's serious.  I have no reason to think she's caring or compassionate.  I think she's a self-congratulatory weather girl who has "her serious face" when she needs it.

Peter Jennings carried a suitcase of books with him everywhere he traveled because he loved to read & learn as much as he could.  Anyone think Katie's doing that?  She's calling EDUCATED news anchors "pretentious" because she's a dumbshit.

Now I'm mad.

May 31, 2006

Here’s an idea…

Filed under: deaths, celebrities, internet — Alex @ 10:24 pm

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Screw The Belligerent Fop–visit my celebrity dead pool instead.

May 1, 2006

Ray of Goddamn Sunshine

Filed under: celebrities — Alex @ 12:12 am

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Rachel RayFrom an AP article about Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People:

Wildly popular U.S. cooking show host Rachael Ray has inspired working people to "eschew the trap of fast-food facility and truly cook — even the easy fast stuff — at home."

Alex Says:  Apocalypse, party of one?

This is a woman who has a show to see it it's humanly possible for her to eat on a mere forty U.S. dollars a day.  The majority of the world LIVES on two dollars a day, and this American icon of gluttony CHALLENGES herself to get by on forty.  "WILL SHE MAKE IT?  OH GOD I HOPE SO!"

The only thing Rachel Ray inspires me to do is smile less.

But, speaking of Food Network… what's up with Guy winning the Food Network Star competition?  Apocalypse, party of two?

Shameless plug: www.cash4cadavers.com

April 19, 2006

I was not consulted.

Filed under: celebrities — Alex @ 3:05 am

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(AP) BOSTON — The voice of the AFLAC duck has been named the Unsexiest Man in the World.

gilbert2.gifComedian Gilbert Gottfried tops the list compiled by the Boston Phoenix's website. The list is a mix of entertainers, sports stars, even terrorists. Osama bin Laden is number eight on the list.

Others on the unsexy list include Michael Jackson, Jerry Seinfeld, Ron Howard, Clay Aiken and Britney Spears' husband Kevin Federline. He ranks 99th.

Sneaking in at No. 100 is Brad Pitt. He made the list because of rumors about bad hygiene.

Alex Says:  The problem with this kind of poll is that the public is insanely stupid.  They don't know any celebrities except the biggest of the big, and even then don't think about the truly horrific.  For example, I would've nominated Burt Reynolds in his current state:

Burt Reynolds

Or maybe George Jones:

George Jones

Or Earl Leaf, author of a book about the Beatles:

Beatles author Earl Leaf

Hey, these are just suggestions.

April 16, 2006

Johnny Hates Spaz

Filed under: idiots, celebrities — Alex @ 3:39 am

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(Alex Says:  See, the previous post mentioned Frankie Goes to Hollywood in the title, so… Johnny Hates Jazz… nevermind.)

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Tiger Woods has apologized for comments he made during a television interview after the U.S. Masters at Augusta National Golf Club on Sunday. 

The American world number one, who tied for third place three strokes behind winner Phil Mickelson, was criticized for using the term "spaz" to describe his poor putting in the final round.

spastic2.gif

"Tiger meant nothing derogatory to any person or persons and apologises for any offence caused," Woods's agent Mark Steinberg said in a statement issued on the player's official website.

Bidding for a fifth green jacket at Augusta, Woods produced a display of uncharacteristically shaky putting on his way to a closing two-under-par 70.

He took 33 putts in the final round, including three three-putts and a pair of missed eagle putts from inside 10 feet on the back nine. Mickelson took 29 putts in a closing 69.

When asked about his play on the last day at Augusta, Woods replied: "I putted atrociously today. Once I got on the greens, I was a spaz."

In several countries, "spaz" is an offensive term for people affected with spastic paralysis, a form of cerebral palsy.

Britain-based disability organization Scope, formerly The Spastics Society, said of Woods's comments: "Once again, Tiger Woods demonstrates that we are two nations divided by a common language.

"Although in the U.S. the term "spaz" may not be as offensive as it is here in the UK, many disabled people here will have taken exception to his likening a golf stroke to that of 'a spaz'.

"UK disability charity Scope is confident that Tiger Woods would be devastated to learn that something he said could offend his fans, disabled or non-disabled."

Wood's remark drew little attention in the U.S. where "spaz" is a slang term for someone considered clumsy or inept.

spastic1.gifAlex Says:  First off, "The Spastics Society" would be a kick-ass name for a bar or a band.  Just throwing that out there. The Spazzes really need to quit spazzing out on me.  Toughen up.  You're spazzy.  Get over it.  Tiger didn't say, "I'm putting like a goddamn retard-o spaz from the United Kingdom's Spastics Society."  They even acknowledge that in the U.S. "spaz" isn't meant in an offensive way, but still threw a hissy.  Seems to be a desperate plea for attention from SpazLand.

Plus, consider this:  Take the membership of their little Spazzy Club there, and then reduce that to the number that actually care about golf.  Then, take that number and calculate how many are honestly offended by the comment.  I'm saying that four people on the planet were offended by "spaz," and that those four need to quit bitchin'.  Not my fault you're a spaz.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood… Then Leaves. In a Car.

Filed under: celebrities — Alex @ 3:06 am

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ABC News Radio — Frankie Muniz  has a new Formula — and it's not the type you'll see on a primetime sitcom.

The 20-year-old "Malcolm in the Middle" star has applied the breaks to his acting career, at least temporarily, to race for Jensen Motorsport in the Formula BMW competition.

muniz.gif

Muniz, who has been acting since he was eight, recently wrapped up the final episode of the Fox TV comedy, and he insists that he's not going to dabble part-time in the sport.

"I got signed to Jensen Motorsport for two years, so once the show is done, I'm just going to be doing that full-time," Muniz tells ABC News Radio.

Alex Says:  First of all, that's just stupid.  Every aspect.  Period.

Secondly, what's up with this picture?  Doesn't he look kinda odd/creepy/freaky?  We've got another Todd Bridges in the making.  Criswell Predicts that Frankie will see the inside of a jail cell within two years.

April 5, 2006

Reason #58 not to base your entire damn career on someone else’s.

Filed under: celebrities — Alex @ 2:07 am

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From Wikipedia's entry on comedian Vaughn Meader, before the Big PlungeVaughn Meader:

"Abbott Vaughn Meader (March 20, 1936 – October 29, 2004) was an American comedian and impersonator whose meteoric rise to fame with The First Family album spoofing President John F. Kennedy was equalled only by his meteoric crash into obscurity with Kennedy's assassination in 1963."

Alex Says:  Goddamn.  "Meteoric crash into obscurity" seems a particularly harsh way of phrasing it.  But it gives me hope that people like Jesse Camp and Mayim Bialik may truly be gone forever.

March 30, 2006

Kiss & Make-Up. Lots of make-up.

Filed under: celebrities — Alex @ 7:33 pm

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(IMDb News) - Desperate Housewives Ryan Seacrest tongue-probing supercentenarian Teri Hatcherstar Teri Hatcher and American Idol host Ryan Seacrest have been photographed kissing after a cozy lunch in Malibu, California.

Alex Says:  Umm… ewwww?  She's only ten years his senior, but looks far, far older.  It's the neck and all that weird sinewy stuff.  Learn from Robert Wagner, Teri:  Wear turtlenecks.

Robert Wagner:  Turtleneck ManIncidentally, the same IMDb News report has this zinger:  "TV stars Matthew Perry and Kristin Davis are Hollywood's new 'it' couple, according to new reports. "

Um, no.  No they're not.  Both are, what's the word… "unemployed?"  "Forgotten?"  "Really hip newsmakers, circa 2001?"

In looking for the picture of R.J. in the turtleneck, I found this much funnier picture; perhaps it's time to start playing Wagner in my celebrity dead pool:

Robert Wagner looking confused

March 24, 2006

Well… at least it’s not a remake.

Filed under: celebrities, film — Alex @ 12:24 am

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From the IMDb News:Samuel L. Jackson

Samuel L. Jackson's new mile-high thriller Snakes On A Plane has created such a buzz among internet film fans, movie bosses have called for re-shoots - to give the film a tougher rating. The film, which stars Jackson as an FBI agent trying to keep a federal witness alive onboard a plane full of snakes, wrapped last September - but went back before the cameras earlier this month for five days of additional shooting. Film bosses at distributor New Line Cinema opted to add new scenes to the film to take the movie from PG-13 into R-rated territory, according to industry magazine The Hollywood Reporter. They claim the second round of filming became necessary after intense and growing fan interest in the film, which is scheduled to be released this summer. Among the reported additions to the film is a foul-mouthed rant from Jackson in which his agent character bellows, "I want these motherf**king snakes off the motherf**king plane!" The line is expected to take on cult status. The film-makers have reportedly added more gore, more deaths, more nudity and more snakes to the finished product.

Alex Says:  First off, it's always painfully obvious when a film intentionally plugs in some material to achieve an R rating.  If Crocodile Dundee had two scenes with Paul Hogan sodomizing crocodiles while screaming "fuckin' barbie!", it'd be obvious that those were an afterthought.

Based on this small nugget of information, I have no idea if the snake movie is SERIOUS or if it's some kind of tongue-in-cheek comedy.  Either way, I confess that it sounds so painfully, deliciously bad that I may have to see it.  You beat me again, Sam.

March 17, 2006

Uncle Jesse failed as a parent.

Filed under: celebrities — Alex @ 10:43 am

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(AP) RINGWOOD, N.J. — Tom Wopat, who played Luke Duke on the TV series "The Dukes of Hazzard," faces a drunken driving charge in northern New Jersey, authorities said Friday.
583_TomWopatMug.jpg

Alex Says:  You can take the actor out of the moonshining, hot-rodding character, but you can't take the moonshining, hot-rodding character out of the actor.

Somewhere, John Schneider laughs haughtily.