March 20, 2006

The Monday Blog Mock

Filed under: blog mocking — Alex @ 8:29 pm

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Each Monday, we seek out a random entry on a (usually) random blog and proceed to ridicule it.  Why?  Because most blogs–and all MySpace entries–are boring, self-congratulatory whine-fests.  That's why, bitch. 

This week's post comes to us from this idiot; notice how the tone shifts radically towards the bottom:

 

 

standing in this hallways with 100 open doors. jeez i hope i go into the right room!

just want to say something
i don't say shit about my weight so that ppl will be like omg ur so skinny, i'm not the type of person that fishes for compliments. and how i look is not up for discussion. it doesn't mater what other ppl think. it matters what i think and how ifeel.

I'm not even sure if that means she's a wafer or a fatty.  I'm guessing fatty, because only the hideously obese spew that "doesn't matter what other people think" lie.

and woah. what the fuck do i wanna be when i grow up. i got alota choices. thats pretty fucking awesome. i got too many though. can't i close some doors? come onn it'll be funnnnnnnnnn

Let Uncle Alex help you close some of those pesky doors.  I'd rule out copy-editing, for instance, or being a flight attendant (fatty, remember?).   You like closing doors–have you considered hotel housekeeping?

also, how come i am the girl that guys have to fall in love with. how come i'm not that girl that just gets played. i wouldn't mind having my heart broken…honestly. shit i'm sposed to be doing homework

Don't you worry your swollen little head, Thunder Thighs. I'll wager your day is coming.  I know the thirteen-year-old boys are really beating down the door now–possibly because, being the chunky monkey in your class, you have the largest breasts–but you'll have your heart broken in no time, which will help prepare you for the inevitable heart attack you'll have at 40.  With any luck, you'll also have an illegitimate child so there's always something to remind you of the heartache.